Let me tell you about the hierarchy of traffic on the Alaska Highway.
At the top come cyclists. You weren’t expecting that were you? And you’d be right, that would be nonsense.
No, at the top come the enormous ‘rigs’, double-length, articulated monsters that ferry everything up and down the highway. They keep the place supplied with just about everything, from building materials to, and I swear I saw this today, missiles! Just on the back of a rig. All army green and official looking. Could’ve been stolen, but it was a fairly leisurely getaway if it was. The drivers of these things are professionals. Been doing it for a while and know how to use the road. We like these guys, they always give a cyclist room when they can and don’t pull in again for what seems like half a mile. Often they’ll honk a cheery honk and all is right with the world.
Next down the pecking order are the RV’s. Only slightly less enormous, they ferry nothing of use up the highway. That’s because the have crammed everything they could ever think they possibly might need for their two to three week vacation into every small crevice they can find in these over-muscled, beefcake caravans. And just in case they may have forgotten something and need to go for a quick trip to Sainsburys they tow the fecking car along behind. And not some small, economical runabout. No, a massive great 4 wheel drive truck in which they could have quite comfortably done the whole trip. These Hulk-avans are then driven by people, who, frankly, should be old enough to know better. They obviously swanned onto some RV lot and the salesman/shark thought kerching another retired sucker I can con into parting with their hard-earned for a completely inappropriate and possibly murderous civilian tank. Needless to say most of these ‘people’ are not the cyclists friend. Barely a twitch of the wheel to give a fella some room and if they do then they will have forgotten the extra vehicle (Emergency Life Car?) being dragged along for the ride and cut in too soon. Gits! (Oh, and at campsites the only request you’ll hear from these selfish, self-absorbed, semi self-reliant, driving couch potatoes is ‘Can we dump here?’, ie. Can we empty our sh*t tank into your cesspit). Although I did get a nice bit of steak and a glass of wine from Brock and Marie-Cloud and they had a small, towed RV. But they were young and had rented the thing, so I’m inclined to let them off with a warning. Let’s just pray they don’t become the people I’ve warned you about.
Cars come way down the order, but they get subdivided into two categories. Truck/UTE’s and the rest. Generally they’re both rubbish and shoot by without a glance. But with the trucks you can get a bit more room from them whereas the smaller cars are often driven by the more nervous cousins of the RV drivers (if that’s possible) and I imagine them either gripping the steering wheel in a vice like grip, barely glancing left or right or the complete opposite and generally in charge of the vehicle but more interested in the wildlife whizzing past the window. Either way they don’t really notice a small bedraggled cyclist hauling himself up a 7% hill. There is one exception to the ‘no deviation’ rule. If they spot a chance to overtake a rig or RV they jump at it like a sloth on Valium. I think there must be some sort of written permission they need before they overtake here.
Well that’s about it for that rant/blog. I’m just having a spot of chicken stew in The Continental Divide Lodge and RV park. Sounds grander than it is, but the cheap room is clean and this here chicken stew is fine! The restaurant isn’t actually open but the owner seemed to take pity on me and said I could eat as much as I like of his own chicken stew for $10. He may regret that offer! I’m on my third bowl already and could probably manage a fourth. It’s the tastiest and healthiest food I’ve had this whole trip. Apart from Ron and Barb’s delicious food.
Pip pip
Love
Pete
A bowl of chicken soup, yesterday…
Patagonia Pete 
In all seriousness when you get to the end of your trip you should get this blog published, it’ll be a best seller. Maybe not to the RV community however, but it sounds like they’ll have trouble reading anyway and not to mention the incest, they can’t get enough of that so I hear, that car being towed isn’t an escape pod, it’s a ‘get more relatives QUICK pod’.
My ‘beef’ is with London cabbies, they seem to be on a real mission for making a cyclists life as spicey as they can, them or the white van drivers that look like they’ve escaped from the set of ’28 days later’
They say the camera never lies but in this I hope it does, that chicken mud broth looks far from appetizing so will take your word for it.
Still no bears? Maybe they’re at the ‘Backgammon for Bears Convention’ i’m pretty sure it’s around this time of year
Go carefully!
Paul
Hope your all hi-visd up with my vest and one of those tiny flags on a stick that you can see from at least 5 meters away. Although it sounds like most of the RV drivers are on autopilot out the back making a coffee. You havn’t though of lassoing a rope round the 4x4s’ wing mirror and getting a haul up a hill.
This whole RV thing sounds interesting, imagine all the toys that you could attach to it, cars, dirt bikes, helicopters, boats. Ill have to get down to the dealers to get shafted; nearly that age now. Nah…give me the sea and a star anyday.
Oh by the way those would be bear missiles you saw. Ever since they started wearing BP vests its the only way although wearing one whilst playing backgammon is obviously against the rules.
Mirror, signal, manoevre
Bro
Another comment, sorry about that, just thought you maybe interested to know that Tim and Tina had a baby boy this morning, still no name yet though, any suggestions to put to them?
So far Tim has cracked two of my ribs, split my lip many times and numerous black eyes so now there’s two of them I think I may quit boxing now (well, in about 16 years or so)
Any chance you could get a missile if it falls of the back a lorry, strap it to your handle bars and launch it at the next RV. Lighting the fuse might be a bit tricky if your matches are wet but you’ll think of something.
** Blog Hi-Jack Warning **
Sam my friend, how you keeping? and Bin – enjoying reading your comments?
You need some kind of (flexible) stick to attach horizontally on your bike, making you 6′ wide. With a flashing high vis thing on the end, and a small pot of paint to mess up the assholes bodywork when they inevitably hit it…
Either that or a loaded shotgun.
Although i do like Roy’s missile idea.
Pete, your blogs are almost as good as my current read “A spot of bother” by Mark Haddon (slightly less sinister but just as entertaining). I agree with Davidson, get em’ published when you get to NZ, you’ll give Bryson a run for his money!
Paul, is that Tim J still up to no good? Give him a big hug from me (and a broken rib) and tell him congratulations from me for all the effort he put into the labour!
Pete, back to you old boy. I’m still with you on this trip, Keep going son, it’ll only get tougher….much tougher…..
Pete, just checking that I can do this fandangled blogging thing. Tried to send a comment at the weekend but it didn’t get posted. Maybe the bears ate it before it got through? They love a good blog.
Is that all you left for the poor guy??
I nearly ran over a cyclist yesterday, on a narrow country road that we call the school run. Standing around on the verge in his (life-saving, as it turned out) neon yellow waistcoat as though he owned the place. Come to think of it though, the bike seemed to be in pieces….can bikes break down? After we swerved around him, Helen said it made her think of you!
Remember; that cyclist could be someone’s brother!
And yes, bikes do break down, although hopefully not mine. Perhaps you could have stopped and asked if needed any help. Just a thought.
Love Pete
Pete Coombes
http://www.patagoniapete.com petecoombes@mac.com Skype:pcoombes
Pete, pleased to see you’re back on the road. Owen had his first cycling proficiency lesson tonight and my, how it’s changed since we were at school! None of that ‘look, signal, manoeuvre’ stuff anymore. No, it’s all ‘escaping ambush from injured, starved, desparado bears’ techniques these days! And there’s you in a tent! In the Alaskan wilderness! The irony, eh?! Health and safety gone mad, I say.
Are you Skypeing anytime soon?
Let’s not forget you’re in the New Forest. Many of the Bear Avoidance Techniques for Cyclists can be successfully employed against the evil ponies. Oh they look calm enough, but you meet one of them alone on a dark night and then you’ll see the real New Forest Pony… OF DEATH!!!
please can i have some more landscape pictures to paint. So far have done Valdez. Not really interested in bowls of chicken stew however tasty it was!!
Funniest comment of the blog award (apologies if it wasn’t intended to be) x
I’ve been giving your dilemma some thought .. well just a little! How about getting a bespoke bear’s costume made up with an integral hi-viz belt, ensuring that it’s breathable, wind proof and water proof. The RV’s will definitely try and avoid the pesky cycling bear and the outfit may also prevent any further occurrences of that dreaded chaffing.
I’m heading of to Italy in the morning so I’ll look forward to reading you blog whilst sipping wine in some old piazza. Arrivederci
I’ve been giving your dilemma some thought .. well just a little! How about getting a bespoke bear’s costume made up with an integral hi-viz belt, ensuring that it’s breathable, wind proof and water proof. The RV’s will definitely try and avoid the cycling bear and the outfit may also prevent any further occurrences of that dreaded chaffing.
I’m heading of to Italy in the morning so I’ll look forward to reading you blog whilst sipping wine in some old piazza. Arrivederci
I hope you’re going to shoe-horn this into your trip Pete….
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/28/sports/cycling/in-cycling-race-across-america-sleep-is-shunned.html?_r=1&ref=sports&gwh=345DC8BCC828C8282FC16896C24A4DCB
Rude not to!
!!!!! I can manage about 100miles at best. 400?!!! Mind you if I got rid of the tent, and maybe the stove… who knows?
and sleep, ditch sleep and you’ll be fine, sleep is for losers anyway. Keep the stove though, could look nice cycling with it lit at night, maybe try and fashion an after-burner type thing?
Sorry to get all Facebook on your blog, but, yes Alex, he’s still up to no good! I’ll land one on him from you next week when i see him…
I think 100miles a day is more than respectable.
Where are you staying at the min?
be safe, be seen!